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Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

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Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 last won the day on October 13 2017

Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 had the most liked content!

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About Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Smack Dab In The Middle of California
  • Interests
    Shootin' old stuff, hunting, good stories, and especially raisin' the kids the right way!

Previous Fields

  • SASS Number or "Guest"
    8967 L
  • SASS Affiliated Club
    Kings River Regulators - "Best Kept Secret in SASS~!"

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  1. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Wide Turn!

    I would've thought it would have had a tillerman ~ like a hook-and-ladder firetruck... Was that thing a windmill blade??
  2. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Wonder if there's a way to DISABLE the GPS

    Blue dot?? Doesn't that mean either it's a German radio or someone's pregnant...?
  3. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Lone Ranger Busted in California...

    Half-Breed Pete just forwarded this from parts and parties unknown... thought I'd share, although I suspect most have seen it. Sad, but amusing. Lone Ranger Busted The Lone Ranger was arrested in Lone Pine, California for the crime of illegally transferring silver bullets. The famed masked man had just apprehended an armed felon after shooting the gun out of his hand. As was his practice for the last eighty years, he gave a silver bullet to the outlaw’s victim. She was a kindly old widow who was robbed and held captive by the desperado. This lady, grateful that her life and property were restored, treasured the silver bullet as a symbol that justice was done. The trouble started when she showed the bullet to her weekly garden club. Upon seeing the gleaming memento, one lady fainted. Another lady gasped that they were all going to die. A third lady, who was also a member of CHA (California Hysterics Anonymous), warned that where there was a bullet there had to be a gun. During the shocked silence an attendee desperately summoned the Sheriff on her cell phone. When the Sheriff heard their story he struggled to stifle a laugh. He knew the old gentleman on the big white horse. He also appreciated how many criminals the Lone Ranger had captured over the years. However, since California voters passed Proposition 63, he had to uphold the law. Predictably, he found the masked man enjoying a Near Beer at the Dry Gulch Saloon back in town. “Thanks for helping old widow Smith,” he said, “but did you really give her a silver bullet?” “Yes,” replied the Lone Ranger, “after all that’s my trademark. Got a problem with that?” “Well, yes,” hesitated the sheriff. “Ya see . . . under Proposition 63, you’ve got to be a licensed firearms dealer to give anyone a bullet.” “Are you kidding?” asked the Lone Ranger. “Wish I was,” said the embarrassed sheriff, “and to boot whoever receives the bullet has to be registered with the Department of Justice.” “Holy guacamole!” exclaimed the masked man. “Did I do anything else wrong?” “Well,” said the sheriff, looking even more sheepish now, “there’s the little matter of you shooting a gun out of the outlaw’s hand.” “What!” said the Lone Ranger. “If I hadn’t done that, the skunk would have plugged me for sure.” “I know that,” admitted the Sheriff, “but he’ll probably sue you for failing to retreat and using unnecessary force. If they convict you, they’ll take your six-shooters away for good. Which reminds me, according to California law, your pistols have too large a capacity. If I were you, I’d convert those six-shooters into five-shooters as quick as you can.” “Jumpin’ Junipers!” exclaimed the Lone Ranger. “I’d better tell this to my faithful Indian companion, Tonto.” “Hold on,” said the Sheriff. “I need to remind you that Indians are now referred to as Native Americans. We privileged male palefaces have got to remember that.” As the Lone Ranger sat in shocked silence, the sheriff explained his rights and proceeded to take him in. Postscript: Upon being provided an attorney at state expense, the outlaw successfully sued the Lone Ranger. He claimed that he could no longer work since he had suffered the permanent loss of his trigger finger. Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom urged imposing the maximum sentence for possession of illegal ammunition and a firearm that exceeds lawful capacity. He received a huge monetary award, forcing the Lone Ranger to sell the silver mine. Tonto was deemed innocent but victimized by virtue of being a member of an oppressed minority. He was given land by the state and now operates a very profitable casino. After getting out of jail, the Lone Ranger could not find a job since he was now an ex-con. Fortunately, Tonto lets him do light janitorial work at the casino and sleep in the basement. Following the passage of Proposition 63, violent crime in California has steadily increased. Lt. Governor Newsom advises troubled property owners to protect themselves by posting signs that say: Keep Out—Gun Free Zone
  4. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Bakersfield

    Back in '81, I think it was, I visited family in Bakersfield. Hottest experience of my life. Walked outside early afternoon and a number of cars on their block had windows shattered by the heat. My aunt's "T" top Chrysler had both of the roof panes crazed. At one point I had to walk across a street. By the time the light changed the heels of my cowboy boots had sunk 1/2" into the asphalt. Went into a 7-11 for a slurpee. Grabbed a "Big Gulp" cup and filled it with layered cola and pineapple. Clerk sez "Hey! That's not a slurpee cup! That's a Big Gulp cup! Those ain't for slurpees!" "They are now!" I declared and plopped down a bit more money than it should have cost and headed out... my two cousins told me I started a trend. And as soon as that one was gone I hit the next 7-11. That place gets HOT!
  5. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    This will make heads explode

    Yep. Trying to explain the Pittman-Robertson Act to the BWL's is like... well... like trying to explain long division to a cat. At least a dog will listen attentively!
  6. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Charles Krauthammer

    A loss for us all.
  7. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    New to me John Wayne Movie

    I believe I've read that most, if not all, of those who died were also quite heavy smokers. Not a good combination.
  8. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Pipes....

    With the sailin' ship on the label...? That was one of my favorites... some forty-five years ago.
  9. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    She was only a whiskey maker.....

    Her kisses were intoxicating... (Now, ain't that romantic? )
  10. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    His words have putty in them

    This is the gist of it...
  11. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Socialist 2nd Lt. Discharged

    Too bad they can't revoke his degree. Mebbe, as Doc suggested, they can bill him for it*. He certainly didn't deliver on his half of the bargain... *Something in the neighborhood of $300 grand.
  12. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    How to vote...?

    Well, he can't go back to the Assembly. But perhaps next mayor of LA...
  13. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    How to vote...?

    Yep. And has about a third her IQ. Like Sedalia Dave sez, he'll be little more than a single vote in the U S Senate - replacing one they already have. Here, he's mad-dog dangerous.
  14. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    New York: Microstamping On the Assembly Calendar For Thursday

    I guess that "works perfectly" is a matter of perspective. "Works perfectly" from the liberal lefty point of view; from my saddle, the view is abhorrent. And yep - the remaining "sliders" are due to slide right off the "legal to sell or buy" list this year, judged to be "unsafe" because of a useless requirement.
  15. Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967

    Come on OTTO, let's go to the park!

    I used to have a yellow '73 Super Beetle. Prolly the best car I ever had!
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